I didn’t know that my life was going to take as much drastic change as it has 4 years ago when we had our first son; never did I imagine that my name will be changed to daddy Alex (an acronym for Alex, dad; in the Yoruba culture parents are often called by the name of their first child). I heard people call my dad by the name of my brother, yet it never crossed my mind that some day people will get traditional with me too. The more I tell people to call me by my name (Femi), the more some scream daddy Alex. To this few, I have resigned my fate that nothing I ever say can make them stop calling me by the name of my first son.
My wife is an interesting woman; ever since we started dating, she has always called me by my name. Not darling, sweetheart and all that sweet names people call themselves when they get intimate; I really am a guy that ain’t fantastically emotional. However, after the birth of our first son, occasionally she would call me by his name. I had to pass it to her that I will like her to always call me by my name; when she does call me by the name of our first son, I tell myself I am in trouble (my conclusion is that she calls me that name when she wants to pass her mind on an issue, though she said it’s not true).
Couples who have grown up children are recognized in another dimension; they are called by the name of their child that is most successful. So you will likely hear a man been described as the father of the senator, engineer, managing director of XYZ bank; the man may even wonder how he has suddenly become popular in the latter part of his life. The same goes for the scenario if one of the children of the man is the don of the bad guys in the neighborhood, the notorious criminal that the police are looking for, the serial killer that has just been put away, etc.
I have come to discover that the reputation of a father is enhanced by the outcome of the way he brought up his children; even if he has achieved so much, the same society that celebrates him will shout crucify him if his children turned out to be a menace to them. Yes, there will be the blame game if child turns out to be a criminal, prostitute, murderer, etc; yet four of the five fingers will point at the parents for poor parenting. The man of the house however, will be blamed the most for his poor parenting skill. I feel this is one of the key reasons that men should brace up, rise up and take up their responsibility before it becomes too late to make any positive impact on the life of their children. The active participation of every father in the upbringing of their child is of utmost importance; men shouldn’t leave this role solely in the hands of their wives.
The story of a famous serial killer called Jeffrey Dahmer is one of a story that every father should note; he was born in West Allis, Wisconsin in May 21, 1960. Reports have it that when he was young, he dissected dead animals and by his teenage years was an alcoholic loner. He was one of the worst serial killer that ever lived; the following are the inventories that were found in his apartment when he was arrested- several corpses were stored in acid- filled vats, several heads were found in his refrigerator, and human skulls were found in his closet. He was accused for practicing necrophilia (sexual desire for dead bodies: sexual feelings for and sexual acts with dead bodies) and cannibalism. He was found guilty for 15 counts of murder and was sentenced to 15 life terms totaling 957 years in prison. He was later severely beaten by a fellow inmate and died of several head trauma in the ambulance while been taken to the hospital.
What I find interesting was the comment of his parents; their words are… they had no idea what their son was up to, and they blame themselves after the fact, if they had noticed he played with bones as a child, may be they could have gotten him help in time. Though I feel for them yet I really don’t accept their statement as true; they may not have seen him dissect dead animals, but they can’t deny that they didn’t see traces of violence and a disturbed child right from when he was young. They either ignored it, or they tried to beat it off him; the result of taking the second step for him would have been to act like a good boy at home.
Home here in Nigeria; we have people like Anini the notorious armed robber, Clifford the cannibal, etc. Where are their family members? I guess they are alive, yet none of them will want to be associated with them. The society would have stigmatized them and in the end the decision they would likely taken was to change their surname: who will like to be asked, are you Anini’s brother because you bear the same surname.
Who will get blamed the most amongst the parents if one of their children becomes a serial killer, an armed robber, a prostitute, and a fraudster? The father or mother of the child? I believe the society will scream crucify him more on the father than the mum; so this is a call to fathers to take up their responsibilities at home. Not just providing the means of livelihood alone, but also standing as one whom the children can look up to.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 07040725629
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com
My wife is an interesting woman; ever since we started dating, she has always called me by my name. Not darling, sweetheart and all that sweet names people call themselves when they get intimate; I really am a guy that ain’t fantastically emotional. However, after the birth of our first son, occasionally she would call me by his name. I had to pass it to her that I will like her to always call me by my name; when she does call me by the name of our first son, I tell myself I am in trouble (my conclusion is that she calls me that name when she wants to pass her mind on an issue, though she said it’s not true).
Couples who have grown up children are recognized in another dimension; they are called by the name of their child that is most successful. So you will likely hear a man been described as the father of the senator, engineer, managing director of XYZ bank; the man may even wonder how he has suddenly become popular in the latter part of his life. The same goes for the scenario if one of the children of the man is the don of the bad guys in the neighborhood, the notorious criminal that the police are looking for, the serial killer that has just been put away, etc.
I have come to discover that the reputation of a father is enhanced by the outcome of the way he brought up his children; even if he has achieved so much, the same society that celebrates him will shout crucify him if his children turned out to be a menace to them. Yes, there will be the blame game if child turns out to be a criminal, prostitute, murderer, etc; yet four of the five fingers will point at the parents for poor parenting. The man of the house however, will be blamed the most for his poor parenting skill. I feel this is one of the key reasons that men should brace up, rise up and take up their responsibility before it becomes too late to make any positive impact on the life of their children. The active participation of every father in the upbringing of their child is of utmost importance; men shouldn’t leave this role solely in the hands of their wives.
The story of a famous serial killer called Jeffrey Dahmer is one of a story that every father should note; he was born in West Allis, Wisconsin in May 21, 1960. Reports have it that when he was young, he dissected dead animals and by his teenage years was an alcoholic loner. He was one of the worst serial killer that ever lived; the following are the inventories that were found in his apartment when he was arrested- several corpses were stored in acid- filled vats, several heads were found in his refrigerator, and human skulls were found in his closet. He was accused for practicing necrophilia (sexual desire for dead bodies: sexual feelings for and sexual acts with dead bodies) and cannibalism. He was found guilty for 15 counts of murder and was sentenced to 15 life terms totaling 957 years in prison. He was later severely beaten by a fellow inmate and died of several head trauma in the ambulance while been taken to the hospital.
What I find interesting was the comment of his parents; their words are… they had no idea what their son was up to, and they blame themselves after the fact, if they had noticed he played with bones as a child, may be they could have gotten him help in time. Though I feel for them yet I really don’t accept their statement as true; they may not have seen him dissect dead animals, but they can’t deny that they didn’t see traces of violence and a disturbed child right from when he was young. They either ignored it, or they tried to beat it off him; the result of taking the second step for him would have been to act like a good boy at home.
Home here in Nigeria; we have people like Anini the notorious armed robber, Clifford the cannibal, etc. Where are their family members? I guess they are alive, yet none of them will want to be associated with them. The society would have stigmatized them and in the end the decision they would likely taken was to change their surname: who will like to be asked, are you Anini’s brother because you bear the same surname.
Who will get blamed the most amongst the parents if one of their children becomes a serial killer, an armed robber, a prostitute, and a fraudster? The father or mother of the child? I believe the society will scream crucify him more on the father than the mum; so this is a call to fathers to take up their responsibilities at home. Not just providing the means of livelihood alone, but also standing as one whom the children can look up to.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 07040725629
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com
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