Fathers should watch the words they use on their children

Over 90% of prison inmates were told by their parents while growing up ‘they’re going to end in jail.- Evangelist Bill Glass

I watched on Dstv a talent show recently; in the talent show, there were three judges, two were male and one a female. What ensued when a young girl came to perform was what led to the writing of this article; one of the male judges was very frank but that led to a clash between him and the other female judge who felt he was to harsh in his judgment.

He spoke to her like one of the grown ups that came to perform; that was not the best approach for a child and that made the female judge cry out foul. He eventually approached the lady later in a manner that was okay; but that got me thinking. Even as a grown up I find that when people throw wrong words at me, it takes days to shake it off. Believe me, people have really said things in demeaning manner, and some of them are people that I expect should be discrete with how they put things because of the position they hold and the level of maturity they have attained.

Every father, if they ruminate on the past will tell you one or two demeaning statements that people had said to them that still hurt till date. I feel that if you have gone through, you should be careful then how you use words on your children, because they will shape their lives just as words had shaped theirs. I believe that smacking children don’t lead to low self esteem as many psychologist have concluded; I believe that what leads to low self esteem are words that are continually on children.

Children are people that care should be taken to use words on, especially by their parents. Show me children that succeed with a life that appears that they are lucky; I will show you children that their fathers were careful on the words they used on them. I observe this watching people who curse their children at will and use all manner of demeaning names on them, and compared them to children that their parents are careful with words; my discovery is that despite the fact that children that parents use wrongs words on seems to be full of life and more intelligent, yet they seems not to keep finding live difficult.

Here is a story that best buttress this…

John grew up in a home that his parents curse their children with impunity and use words that are demeaning on them; he can’t seems to remember a day go by with him or any of his siblings get one or two demeaning words used on them by their parents. They also fight a lot with one another with the loser taking his/her pounding on them.

For a long time, he found it difficult to mix up with his pears in school; neither did he allow anyone to coming visiting him at home. His performing in school was a little above average, despite the fact inside he felt he could do better. The needed miracle came when he got into university and consciously took serious his faith in God; that was what made him to see life in a better perspective than what he knew from that of his parents. He was very careful on the choice of a partner he picked as wife; one criteria he watched out for was a woman that irrespective of the emotional turmoil she is going through can order her words right.

Today, he is married with two children; he is also conscious of the way he relates with them knowing that just as words almost destroyed him, it will also have the same effect on them.

A Nigerian says, ‘Eyin lo ro, ti oro ba jab o, ko se ko.’ It literally means, words are like egg, once it is expressed like the egg that was dropped accidentally it can’t be gathered again. When using words on them; we should careful consider their feelings; the truth is that most of us fathers don’t really know how much human our children are. We really have not come to the terms that every of our actions affect their outlook on life and themselves. We talk to them as if they are a thing; yet they are grown ups in the body of a child and with a mind that is coming to terms with their world.

You have likely read the rhyme, humpty dumpty said on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall, all the kings men and all the kings horses could not put humpty dumpty together again. That rhyme clearly shows what happens when you use wrong words on your children; like humpty dumpty, there are parts of that child’s life that will not be put together again, except a miracle happens just as it took a miracle of his faith in God for John to develop a healthy self esteem and to view life from a different perspective. Why allow your children to go through unnecessary stress in life, when you can pay the price of simply ordering your words right.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com

Father and children connection 2

Do you believe in the law of seed time and harvest time? The law states that your actions are seeds that will bring back an harvest in your life in multiple fold beyond the seed you have sown. In natural issues, if you plant a bean seed; when it matures, it will produce far more than the single seedling you planted.

Whatever you sow is what you will reap; it clearly shows that there is nothing you do that you will not get a harvest for. A friend once said to me, you can do a thing and it may be hidden only for a while; however, the harvest of that action is sure. This is the guiding principle that I hold in life that guides my actions; I have seen in the little time that I have spent alive that there is always a boomerang effect of every action that a person indulge in.

I have also discovered that there is a link between a father and his children; the action of a father vibrates not only on him but on his lineage. You can prove me wrong temporary, but in the long run, you will discover that I am right. How do one explain this; I really don’t know without sounding like a religious psycho to some of those who will be opportune to read this column. However, I real life instance, we accept that there is what is called hereditary diseases. A particular disease that is common in a particular family; some of this disease includes; heart problems, renal failure, psychosis, etc may be included amongst the few. When a patient comes up with this problems, one of the question you will hear the medical practitioner ask is, is it an hereditary disease? The reason is because they want to do more through check up on that patient.

I come from the Yoruba culture that believe that you should let your child get married into any family lineage that have hereditary diseases such as madness and leprosy. They believe that such traits will be passed to their on line, so people who have such are often stigmatized even in the present age of modern medical care for hereditary diseases. The emphasis of this column is parenting; I believe that parenting starts with two people who are married living a responsible lifestyle. One truth that is that the children reap the harvest of their fathers’ deeds and misdeeds.

Why is my emphasis on the fathers; I believe that once the man of the house can get things right, it’ll naturally have a spiral effect on his children. The man is the spiritual head of the family; the one placed to be in charge to govern the home. Life flows from him to every member of his family more than from the wife to the rest of the family. His actions have a spiral effect on the family more than that of his wife; so he needs to be properly guided on the consequences of his actions and inactions both in his own life and in the life of his family.

Fathers that will be privilege to read this column, please live responsibly in reverence to God (if you believe that God exist) and respect for your fellow human being knowing fully well that he will not only reap what he sows alone but that posterity after him will either bless or curse him from his action.

A Yoruba adage says, ‘Kaka ki omo olore ji si ko to, mo na mo na a si ye iyanu.’ It means rather than for the child of a good man to fall into a pit in life, light will shine forth on his path to give him direction. I have enjoyed good will of people in many areas of my life, not because I deserve them, but I discover that certain influences take charge that makes it happen.

I will like to share with you the story of a young lad who enjoyed an unprecedented favor wherever he finds himself. Tolu, discovered early in life that people just naturally favor him; where doors are locked against others, they just seems to spring open for him. Right from his university days, his tuition fees was miraculously taken care off; just days before the final date of paying, someone will just put enough money in his hand that would be sufficient to clear the bill. After his university degree; he got what you will call a miracle job, not because he was the most brilliant but favor just seems to knock at his doors. He has heard people say; they don’t know why they just like him and do for him the things they. That was a mystery to him until he heard the story of his late dad.

The story of his dad was that of man that can give out what we call our last card (the last penny on him) to solve another persons problem. He wasn’t a rich man, but was very generous; he heard that his dad had helped paid school fees of students that would have been turned out because they couldn’t and today most ot them have become better people to the society. He would hear people call him by the name of his dad, and pray for him telling him how his dad had help them out of one challenge or the other when he was alife. He conclusion is that something about his dad’s good deed must have brought about the kind of luck he now enjoys.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com

Father and children connection 1

Have you ever consider the fact that there is a connection between you and your children? Have you also considered that if a person desire to bring a negative outcome in the lives of children, they sometimes will do it through their dads? That is an issue that may be difficult for some dads to accept, but I feel that there is a link between what happens to a father and the outcome that is often seen in the lives of the children he gave birth to. If you observe carefully your dad, you will discover lots of him in you.

The analogy I will prefer to make use of for this issue is; if you want to ensure that the laid eggs don’t hatch, all you need do is to keep the mother hen away from them. Traditionally, it’s impossible for such eggs to hatch on their own, so they will naturally get bad if nothing is done about them so that they neither can hatch into young chicks nor are edible. I feel this is true when it comes to the relationship of a dad and his children; if you want to get through to the children all you need do is get through to their fathers and you can do whatever you want with them. Make a dad irresponsible, and naturally his children will trail after him except they have a strong willed mum who is determined to ensure they don’t take that path. However, she will not be successful to make them all as she may so desire.

Recently I had two dreams, and in each of them, I was sentenced to death. After the second dream, I screamed, I will not die but live to declare the works of the Lord and I rebuked death (do bear with me, I wrote this from my Christian background). The next day after the second dream, I fell really ill and had to get my self some medication. On the same day, my children had also fallen ill with malaria, and two days later one of them almost gave up the ghost if not for what I call divine intervention.

This got me thinking on the need for fathers to rise up to their role as the head of the family, and live responsibly. What we do with our lives will reflect in the lives of our children; so how we live will end up boomeranging on us through our children in the future. I feel that all fathers should take the time out to do more than giving money and buying gifts to their children; I feel that all fathers should take the time out to pray and watch the way they live because of their children.

Here is the story of Daniel to buttress this point…

At a point in my life, I discovered that I was impotent; I discover that I don’t have early morning hard on like my male counterparts. I just couldn’t understand why because there was no known hereditary sickness like that in my lineage; neither did my younger male brothers have such experience. I didn’t know how to share this with my dad initially because we weren’t that close; in the period that I grew up fathers are treated like gods, while wives and children like subjects. So I kept this quiet for many years until the point that it was inevitable that I get married.


Right from when I was young, people find me odd; I neither relate with the opposite sex nor date any because of the low self esteem that I had developed due to my medical challenge. I have heard all manner of comments that people make because of my singleness, at my age and the level of success that I have achieved over the years. One of the gossips that a dear friend told me he heard was that I must have used my organs for money making ritual.

In the year 2003, I summoned courage and discussed my situation with my pastor; after prayers he asked me to see my dad. I am to ask him what he did for me to be born; what he would say was the link and the key to unlocking the challenge I had kept for years. When I met my dad on the issue, he told me the story of my birth; he said that when mum was pregnant, she had difficulties giving birth to me and since medical treatment wasn’t the in thing in the village then, he opted to seen the voodoo priest for assistance. He was told to make some sacrifices, which he did but, he wasn’t told the consequence that will be the outcome. When he went to see another voodoo priest on the issue (the first one had died years ago), he was told that Daniel situation can’t be reversed.

Armed with this information, I went to see my pastor and I was prayed for; today I am married with two children of my own.

The father here took the option that was available to him, yet it had a negative impact on the life of his child. By the actions of the fathers, the children will be filled with favor or disfavor. I want to use this medium to reach out to fathers on the need to take great care in the decisions they make; it may seem like a harmless one like Daniel’s dad, but it may leave a lasting devastation on the life of their children.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com