I had to check on someone in Ikorodu recently; on my way back home, I bought a bunch of banana and groundnut for my family. When I got home, I didn’t meet them at home; earlier in the day, my wife had gone for training in her office and she had taken our first son to one of my friends place to play with their children while she took our last child (baby) along with her. When I got home, I called to find out were they are and had to go pick them there.
When we all got home, trust my son he soon found the things I bought and came screaming, daddy can I have some banana. My response was a yes, so he ate 4 pieces before he went to bed. The next day he asked his mum if he can have more, but she didn’t give him her consent on that. So he came looking for me; he found me in the bathroom and asked me if he can have more bananas. I loved to say ‘yes’, but told him ‘no’ with the statement, you mum had already told you not to eat any banana for now. That settled the demand for the banana until later in the day.
Some months ago, I had to correct a dad on what I perceived he was doing wrong. Whenever his wife corrects his child in a way he didn’t like, he will scream at her in the presence of the child. I told him if he keeps going on that way, some day when their child is old enough, he will be manipulative. Whenever, he needs a thing and his mum says no, all he will do is walk up to daddy and have his way. Whenever mummy scream at him or tries to beat him, all he will do is run to his savior- daddy.
I really need to speak to fathers to stop interfering the way they do between their wives and their children; it really is not healthy for their children’s upbringing. Watch children that both parents are not united when it comes to the way they raise them; they never turn out well in life.
We parents need to give credit to our child; they are not as brainless as we assumed they are. They are actually young at heart but growing in their thinking level by what they observe happening around them. They study mummy and daddy; they know when they are in a good mood; they know which one easily succumb to their demand; they know which one to go to when they want to have their way in any issue. My son unconscious knows that I am the big shot, and if mum says ‘no’ on anything, dad’s ‘yes’ will override. Your children also know who is the boss in the house, so daddy is the target that they most subvert. Daddy don’t do well under pressure; all they need do is go to daddy over and over again asking for the ice cream in the fridge and it’s just a matter of time he will carve in. Mummy is however different, her ‘no’ is often ‘no’; try to pressure her and they know they are not far from been smacked.
There is a battle going on in your home; it’s an unconscious battle between your wife and children. The questions I will like to ask you as a father is, who wins the battle- your wife or children? The decider of who wins is really the man of the house; I really wish all fathers should allow their wives win even when they don’t like what their wives decisions may be. I learnt this from what happened in an organization year’s back; the managing director of the firm had made a decision that didn’t go well with the staffs of the organization, and it was bringing lots of discontent amongst the staffs. The chairman got to know about it and wanted to take a drastic action to correct the decision; however, someone gave him a wise counsel. He was told to keep quite on the issue list the staffs start treating the future decisions of the managing director with discontent; he was taught how to get the desired change he wants yet not allowing the staffs to disrespect their leader. Today the discontent had died down and work as gone on in full gear with both parties been winners.
Never support your children against your wife in their present; if you do this, you are disrespecting her and the harm you will have done will have a boomerang effect on you too. If you turn your children against their mum, they will eventually come to treat you too with disrespect and they may become never do well in life. This is a story that someone told me about his elder brother Chukwudi…
Chukwudi was the only son of the family; the 2nd of the four children their parents have. He was the love of my of life of their father; he made it obvious to everyone of his other children that he was their dad’s favorite. He will do things that others will do and get away with it while they get smacked for it; their dad will scream blue murder if he (Chukwudi) complains that their mum as much as smacked him. Several times he had gone to his (Chukwudi) school to warn his teachers not to ever lay hands on his son.
Chukwudi became quite spoilt; he always wants his way and often has it. He knows how to get through to daddy, to get back at mummy. He will bring things home that are not his; his mum will complain, but his dad will accept the explanations he gives. When he became much older their dad discovered that his money was getting missing; he would point accusing fingers to everyone except his beloved son.
Their dad is now aged and Chukwudi is nothing to write home about; all of his siblings are graduates, but he still roams the streets aimlessly living on their parents even at their old age. Today, he has been declared wanted for duping someone of the sum well over two million naira. Their dad on several occasions had been picked by the police when they came in search of their brother for one misdeed or the other within the neighborhood. He now lives in regret on what his son had turned out to be.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com
When we all got home, trust my son he soon found the things I bought and came screaming, daddy can I have some banana. My response was a yes, so he ate 4 pieces before he went to bed. The next day he asked his mum if he can have more, but she didn’t give him her consent on that. So he came looking for me; he found me in the bathroom and asked me if he can have more bananas. I loved to say ‘yes’, but told him ‘no’ with the statement, you mum had already told you not to eat any banana for now. That settled the demand for the banana until later in the day.
Some months ago, I had to correct a dad on what I perceived he was doing wrong. Whenever his wife corrects his child in a way he didn’t like, he will scream at her in the presence of the child. I told him if he keeps going on that way, some day when their child is old enough, he will be manipulative. Whenever, he needs a thing and his mum says no, all he will do is walk up to daddy and have his way. Whenever mummy scream at him or tries to beat him, all he will do is run to his savior- daddy.
I really need to speak to fathers to stop interfering the way they do between their wives and their children; it really is not healthy for their children’s upbringing. Watch children that both parents are not united when it comes to the way they raise them; they never turn out well in life.
We parents need to give credit to our child; they are not as brainless as we assumed they are. They are actually young at heart but growing in their thinking level by what they observe happening around them. They study mummy and daddy; they know when they are in a good mood; they know which one easily succumb to their demand; they know which one to go to when they want to have their way in any issue. My son unconscious knows that I am the big shot, and if mum says ‘no’ on anything, dad’s ‘yes’ will override. Your children also know who is the boss in the house, so daddy is the target that they most subvert. Daddy don’t do well under pressure; all they need do is go to daddy over and over again asking for the ice cream in the fridge and it’s just a matter of time he will carve in. Mummy is however different, her ‘no’ is often ‘no’; try to pressure her and they know they are not far from been smacked.
There is a battle going on in your home; it’s an unconscious battle between your wife and children. The questions I will like to ask you as a father is, who wins the battle- your wife or children? The decider of who wins is really the man of the house; I really wish all fathers should allow their wives win even when they don’t like what their wives decisions may be. I learnt this from what happened in an organization year’s back; the managing director of the firm had made a decision that didn’t go well with the staffs of the organization, and it was bringing lots of discontent amongst the staffs. The chairman got to know about it and wanted to take a drastic action to correct the decision; however, someone gave him a wise counsel. He was told to keep quite on the issue list the staffs start treating the future decisions of the managing director with discontent; he was taught how to get the desired change he wants yet not allowing the staffs to disrespect their leader. Today the discontent had died down and work as gone on in full gear with both parties been winners.
Never support your children against your wife in their present; if you do this, you are disrespecting her and the harm you will have done will have a boomerang effect on you too. If you turn your children against their mum, they will eventually come to treat you too with disrespect and they may become never do well in life. This is a story that someone told me about his elder brother Chukwudi…
Chukwudi was the only son of the family; the 2nd of the four children their parents have. He was the love of my of life of their father; he made it obvious to everyone of his other children that he was their dad’s favorite. He will do things that others will do and get away with it while they get smacked for it; their dad will scream blue murder if he (Chukwudi) complains that their mum as much as smacked him. Several times he had gone to his (Chukwudi) school to warn his teachers not to ever lay hands on his son.
Chukwudi became quite spoilt; he always wants his way and often has it. He knows how to get through to daddy, to get back at mummy. He will bring things home that are not his; his mum will complain, but his dad will accept the explanations he gives. When he became much older their dad discovered that his money was getting missing; he would point accusing fingers to everyone except his beloved son.
Their dad is now aged and Chukwudi is nothing to write home about; all of his siblings are graduates, but he still roams the streets aimlessly living on their parents even at their old age. Today, he has been declared wanted for duping someone of the sum well over two million naira. Their dad on several occasions had been picked by the police when they came in search of their brother for one misdeed or the other within the neighborhood. He now lives in regret on what his son had turned out to be.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com
