I was heading home some couple of weeks ago when I met a woman a lady who needed to find an address in my area; I was concerned for her because of the child she was backing and approached her to ask for the address she was going to find. I described the street to her and even volunteered to take her there. Her response was that she only wanted to know how to locate the place so that she can come with her family to see the man who was living in one of the apartment there.
Her story was what intrigued me to write this article; she told me she was out to look for the father of her first child who had abandon his role and had not bothered to look for his son for over 9 years. Her story is that of love turned sore with the child she had for him bearing the pain of the irresponsibility of the man that got her pregnant.
She met Lanre about 10 years ago; he had for over 6 months been asking her out for an intimate relationship which she didn’t give him a consent on until she felt he was really serious about the issue. After going through a heart breaks month earlier, she felt she should give herself some time out before getting into another relationship. When the relationship started, Lanre seems to be the sweetest man that had ever lived. He was always available, loving and who any lady would have loved to get involve with. They didn’t start getting involved sexually until she was sure that he was serious about getting married to her; which he emphatically affirms that he was willing to do. The love story changed when she got pregnant and he took her home to see his parents; they bluntly stood their ground that he shouldn’t get married to her because she wasn’t from the same state they came from.
Another event took his course when he discovered that her old lover was still getting in contact with her; he claimed that she was still getting involve with him and that he believes that he wasn’t the father of the child she was carrying. She was able to convince him through the medical report that showed the likely time she got pregnant, and at that time they had both travelled for week out of Lagos to see his best friend who got married. She went to find him at home after a period of time (the naming of the child of the child had already taken place), but discovered that he had changed location. She got to know about his new address when she met one of his friends some couple of weeks early who felt it was insensitive of him to have treated her the way he did.
Today she is married to another man, with two children for him; all she wants from Lanre is that he should take up his responsibility as a father to his son.
If you ask lots of children the where about of their dad; the likely answer you will get is, he is not at home. Children these days are more vocal and expressive; they air their minds easily. I will not be surprise if your child (ren) has asked their mother about the where about of their dad; the likely question that many mothers had been asked over and over again will be where daddy is? The reason I believe is, because they really need a fatherly attention, and that need is ingrained in the heart of every child.
I have been married for over five years; marriage itself is a journey that has its own challenges. Irrespective of how beautiful the relationship of two individuals may be, before they tie the knot, life just seems to take another swing afterwards. When challenges start in the home, the way most men choose to handle it, is the path of avoidance. They try as much as possible to avoid their partner; they rarely stay at home even when they are back early from the office.
Parenting starts with both parents knowing that they both need to be responsible for the healthy growth of their child(ren); it’s not enough to just buy them gifts as a bribe for the need you haven’t filled in their lives. They rather need your attention more than your gift. The mindset that you are still in the marriage for the sake of the children that lots of couples have never really bring out the best in their children; if your children will have a healthy life, both parents most work at making their marriage a success. If the parents are not married or divorce, each must take turn in the upbringing of their child(ren).
The goal of this article is to get the men to see the need to be more responsible in the upbringing of their child (ren); even if you aren’t married to their mother. The mindset that your child will come looking for you even if you tell his/her mother to go to hell is not ideal for the child’s’ upbringing. Children don’t really appreciate a man that turns up in the day of their traditional marriage looking all gorgeous but who hasn’t taken the time years back to get to know them and appreciate them for who they are. It’s time for fathers to take up their role rather leave it for the women to carry as a burden.
Olufemi Fasanya
relationshipmatters@gmail.com,
Her story was what intrigued me to write this article; she told me she was out to look for the father of her first child who had abandon his role and had not bothered to look for his son for over 9 years. Her story is that of love turned sore with the child she had for him bearing the pain of the irresponsibility of the man that got her pregnant.
She met Lanre about 10 years ago; he had for over 6 months been asking her out for an intimate relationship which she didn’t give him a consent on until she felt he was really serious about the issue. After going through a heart breaks month earlier, she felt she should give herself some time out before getting into another relationship. When the relationship started, Lanre seems to be the sweetest man that had ever lived. He was always available, loving and who any lady would have loved to get involve with. They didn’t start getting involved sexually until she was sure that he was serious about getting married to her; which he emphatically affirms that he was willing to do. The love story changed when she got pregnant and he took her home to see his parents; they bluntly stood their ground that he shouldn’t get married to her because she wasn’t from the same state they came from.
Another event took his course when he discovered that her old lover was still getting in contact with her; he claimed that she was still getting involve with him and that he believes that he wasn’t the father of the child she was carrying. She was able to convince him through the medical report that showed the likely time she got pregnant, and at that time they had both travelled for week out of Lagos to see his best friend who got married. She went to find him at home after a period of time (the naming of the child of the child had already taken place), but discovered that he had changed location. She got to know about his new address when she met one of his friends some couple of weeks early who felt it was insensitive of him to have treated her the way he did.
Today she is married to another man, with two children for him; all she wants from Lanre is that he should take up his responsibility as a father to his son.
If you ask lots of children the where about of their dad; the likely answer you will get is, he is not at home. Children these days are more vocal and expressive; they air their minds easily. I will not be surprise if your child (ren) has asked their mother about the where about of their dad; the likely question that many mothers had been asked over and over again will be where daddy is? The reason I believe is, because they really need a fatherly attention, and that need is ingrained in the heart of every child.
I have been married for over five years; marriage itself is a journey that has its own challenges. Irrespective of how beautiful the relationship of two individuals may be, before they tie the knot, life just seems to take another swing afterwards. When challenges start in the home, the way most men choose to handle it, is the path of avoidance. They try as much as possible to avoid their partner; they rarely stay at home even when they are back early from the office.
Parenting starts with both parents knowing that they both need to be responsible for the healthy growth of their child(ren); it’s not enough to just buy them gifts as a bribe for the need you haven’t filled in their lives. They rather need your attention more than your gift. The mindset that you are still in the marriage for the sake of the children that lots of couples have never really bring out the best in their children; if your children will have a healthy life, both parents most work at making their marriage a success. If the parents are not married or divorce, each must take turn in the upbringing of their child(ren).
The goal of this article is to get the men to see the need to be more responsible in the upbringing of their child (ren); even if you aren’t married to their mother. The mindset that your child will come looking for you even if you tell his/her mother to go to hell is not ideal for the child’s’ upbringing. Children don’t really appreciate a man that turns up in the day of their traditional marriage looking all gorgeous but who hasn’t taken the time years back to get to know them and appreciate them for who they are. It’s time for fathers to take up their role rather leave it for the women to carry as a burden.
Olufemi Fasanya
relationshipmatters@gmail.com,
+234(0)8037257479
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