A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. ~ Marlene Dietrich
I was recently having a discussion with a young man who had gotten married not long ago; thank God for MTN free night call. My advice to him was the need to guard his family from the past mistakes; I said to him, there is a thin line that divides the past from the present and the present from the future.
Really if a father don’t walk in this consciousness, it’s easy for him to repeat the mistakes of his own father. I guess some of the readers of this column may in time past had called their fathers irresponsible and a bad example for his children. Yet inside of everyone is the likeness of the man who gave birth to them; I feel that our children just as we assessed our own dads will be the one who will make conclusions about us too.
My cry to fathers in today’s column is, don’t repeat the mistakes of your father. Life is like a vicious cycle; history when it’s not learnt from always repeats itself. However, the impact of the repetition of history is often at a varying degree to that of the present; that of the present is far worst.
I will want every father that will read this column to do reminiscence of the past and learn from the parenting approach of their parents; they should objectively look at the constructive and negative impact of how they were brought up. Permit me to say that you can learn from the past, but it can be a colossal mistake to use the approach of your parents in the change of present trend of event. For instance, it’s wrong to impose on your children the course they ought to study; the wife they should get married to by imposing cultural superiority on them; turn your children against other cultures, etc.
Years back, I can quite remember up till date going to friend’s house and been treated by his father like an enemy because I am a Yoruba and they were Igbo (some Igbos’ have had similar experience too). The civil war thing just keeps living in the heart of many parents and they keep passing the hatred on from generation to generation. Even in the Yoruba culture, there are tribes who consider it a taboo to get married to people from a particular tribe, thus ethnic problem still exist in many states in the nation- Nigeria.
If a child has biasness for a group or culture, 80% of the time it was educated into him/her by his/her father. The father is the one that unconsciously educate his children on love, respect for humanity and the law. He is the major influencer of his family. Many of the hatreds that are still growing in our world today are because the children had been taught to hate by a father who was living under some hurt and bitterness of an experience. Some fathers merely followed what their fathers taught them without asking questions. Some fathers because they are not conscious of observing past events in their family had repeated far worse than what their own fathers had done. The reality is that it leaves a negative impact on the lives of their children. Here is the story that I believe will help buttress my point…
Kemi at the early stage of life grew in a home where there was love and care richly shared by her parents to one anther and to the children. She could still remember how her dad will come home after a tiring days work, but yet spend some time with them finding out how they were doing with their academics and getting to her them talk about all the exciting events that they had gone through in the day. She would see her dad, that his birth each day and eat his meals with praises to his wife. The only challenge that the family had then was finance; though their dad was had working, yet he just was making a enough money to meet the needs of the home. She could remember the number of times that her school fee was not paid in time and she and her siblings were sent home. Yet the peace and joy at home was something that remains strong in her heart until things change for the better for her dad.
Luck shown on her dad when he got promoted to head the Abuja branch of their office; the financial challenge they had became a thing of the past. However, some other things also became the thing of the past; her dad was rarely ever available at home, his excuse was that the job has become more tasking and demanding. He saw no reason for his family to move down with him to Abuja, giving excuses that weren’t tenable. Not afterwards, a friend of mum came with the news that dad was having an extra marital affair; when mum confronted him on the issue, he bluntly denied it. Three years after getting his appointment in the federal capital, he came home with one of his brothers to inform mum that he has taken another wife who has a child for him already.
Not long ago, I observe that the family he came from is polygamous. His father and three of his four male siblings also trail that part; their story is that when things get better financially for them, they end up with a second or more other wives. My fear presently is that I am dating a guy that his father is polygamous, and I haven’t been able to take the relationship because of the fear of the past.
The question I will like to ask you as father is, what do you want your children’s future to be like? Irrespective of how much money you are spending on them, what they will eventually become is who you are in many ways. Break the cycle of event that you don’t like from the way you grew up and let your own child have a clean break because they represent the outcome of the future.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
I was recently having a discussion with a young man who had gotten married not long ago; thank God for MTN free night call. My advice to him was the need to guard his family from the past mistakes; I said to him, there is a thin line that divides the past from the present and the present from the future.
Really if a father don’t walk in this consciousness, it’s easy for him to repeat the mistakes of his own father. I guess some of the readers of this column may in time past had called their fathers irresponsible and a bad example for his children. Yet inside of everyone is the likeness of the man who gave birth to them; I feel that our children just as we assessed our own dads will be the one who will make conclusions about us too.
My cry to fathers in today’s column is, don’t repeat the mistakes of your father. Life is like a vicious cycle; history when it’s not learnt from always repeats itself. However, the impact of the repetition of history is often at a varying degree to that of the present; that of the present is far worst.
I will want every father that will read this column to do reminiscence of the past and learn from the parenting approach of their parents; they should objectively look at the constructive and negative impact of how they were brought up. Permit me to say that you can learn from the past, but it can be a colossal mistake to use the approach of your parents in the change of present trend of event. For instance, it’s wrong to impose on your children the course they ought to study; the wife they should get married to by imposing cultural superiority on them; turn your children against other cultures, etc.
Years back, I can quite remember up till date going to friend’s house and been treated by his father like an enemy because I am a Yoruba and they were Igbo (some Igbos’ have had similar experience too). The civil war thing just keeps living in the heart of many parents and they keep passing the hatred on from generation to generation. Even in the Yoruba culture, there are tribes who consider it a taboo to get married to people from a particular tribe, thus ethnic problem still exist in many states in the nation- Nigeria.
If a child has biasness for a group or culture, 80% of the time it was educated into him/her by his/her father. The father is the one that unconsciously educate his children on love, respect for humanity and the law. He is the major influencer of his family. Many of the hatreds that are still growing in our world today are because the children had been taught to hate by a father who was living under some hurt and bitterness of an experience. Some fathers merely followed what their fathers taught them without asking questions. Some fathers because they are not conscious of observing past events in their family had repeated far worse than what their own fathers had done. The reality is that it leaves a negative impact on the lives of their children. Here is the story that I believe will help buttress my point…
Kemi at the early stage of life grew in a home where there was love and care richly shared by her parents to one anther and to the children. She could still remember how her dad will come home after a tiring days work, but yet spend some time with them finding out how they were doing with their academics and getting to her them talk about all the exciting events that they had gone through in the day. She would see her dad, that his birth each day and eat his meals with praises to his wife. The only challenge that the family had then was finance; though their dad was had working, yet he just was making a enough money to meet the needs of the home. She could remember the number of times that her school fee was not paid in time and she and her siblings were sent home. Yet the peace and joy at home was something that remains strong in her heart until things change for the better for her dad.
Luck shown on her dad when he got promoted to head the Abuja branch of their office; the financial challenge they had became a thing of the past. However, some other things also became the thing of the past; her dad was rarely ever available at home, his excuse was that the job has become more tasking and demanding. He saw no reason for his family to move down with him to Abuja, giving excuses that weren’t tenable. Not afterwards, a friend of mum came with the news that dad was having an extra marital affair; when mum confronted him on the issue, he bluntly denied it. Three years after getting his appointment in the federal capital, he came home with one of his brothers to inform mum that he has taken another wife who has a child for him already.
Not long ago, I observe that the family he came from is polygamous. His father and three of his four male siblings also trail that part; their story is that when things get better financially for them, they end up with a second or more other wives. My fear presently is that I am dating a guy that his father is polygamous, and I haven’t been able to take the relationship because of the fear of the past.
The question I will like to ask you as father is, what do you want your children’s future to be like? Irrespective of how much money you are spending on them, what they will eventually become is who you are in many ways. Break the cycle of event that you don’t like from the way you grew up and let your own child have a clean break because they represent the outcome of the future.
Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
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